


And I've been a forest fire

by saffic



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hasegawa Langa In Love, Kyan Reki Needs a Hug, Kyan Reki-centric, M/M, References to Depression, Sad Kyan Reki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saffic/pseuds/saffic
Summary: After their fight, Reki is hurt and afraid of losing Langa. Langa comes to the rescue. What I wish happened in episode 7 :')
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 7
Kudos: 159





	1. Spiralling

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is basically just: what if reki was angsty for the whole of sk8 and not just eps 7 and 8  
> Also ft. me projecting onto reki

Reki has always been a destructive person. Sure, on the surface he’s bright and smiling and active, and the people who knew him would probably react with disbelief if he told them that most of the time he feels like he destroys everything he ever touches. You build people up, build things up, how could you ever destroy anything? You design skateboards; that’s creation, not destruction. So they would probably say.

Reki knows they’re wrong, though, because his destruction isn’t visible, it’s not obvious. He pours his energy and time into skating, and loves it, but it can’t stop him from steadily fading away. He’s burning from the inside out, flames igniting from his own powerlessness and loneliness and flickering out to consume his everything. 

Like an infection, his fire latches onto and destroys whatever it touches. “I won’t skate with you anymore, Reki.” “Does that kid do anything except skate?” “Hey! Does he even have friends?” He can smile and crack jokes, or act sullen and withdrawn, and the result is the same. Nothing stops the destruction from consuming him, from isolating him.

Nothing. Until Langa. It seems silly to look back on, but soon after meeting Langa, Reki felt he could connect with him, actually be present with him like no one else. It’s not that they actually talked about their feelings and emotions and stuff; Reki still got uncomfortable when Langa brought that kind of thing up. But they understood each other somehow. 

And Reki felt like he was coming to life again, waking up early to skate to school with Langa, practicing tricks on loop, scuffing his knees and laughing so hard it hurt… Why Langa was the only one who could reach him like this, he didn’t know. Why did it only take Langa speaking softly to him, or studying him with ice blue eyes, for his stomach to suddenly be filled with bright dancing sparks instead of the empty, all-consuming fire? He tried not to think about it.

Reki already knew this time with Langa wouldn’t last, so when it all started to unravel, he wasn’t surprised, just bitter, and so, so frustrated at himself. Watching Langa surpass everyone and everything was thrilling at first, until Reki noticed his own growing self-doubt, and stabbing fear at the thought of being left behind. He wasn’t good enough for Langa anymore. There it was again. That feeling of being eaten away, of slowly destroying himself, of isolation.

you and I aren’t a good match anymore.

He had to say it first, to bring the words to life before Langa did. He knew Langa must already be thinking it. It was better to cut things off right there, before the destruction unfolded, before Langa got hurt by his side. 

And sure, the way Langa had looked at him a few hours ago, as the rain poured around them and Reki struggled and failed to put his mangled feelings to words—do you know just how much I…—all but broke him. But Langa leaving him was inevitable. It was best to let it happen.

Now he’s back to being alone, and it’s strangely comforting; he tells himself. As he lies on his bed in the semi-darkness, half-listening to the steady rain outside, Reki self-destructs again, quietly imploding while the outside world folds into black.

Then his phone buzzes, and he practically jumps out of his skin, so absorbed in his own spiraling thoughts. 

open your window. 

It’s a text from Langa. Like a hand reaching out to cup Reki’s face and brush the darkness from his eyes.  
Reki opens his window and climbs out into the night.


	2. You have a way of promising things

Reki’s staring at his feet, watching the rain pool into lamplight reflected on the pavement. Langa’s standing across from him, just like a few hours before. He’s a few feet away, and Reki could probably reach out and brush his fingertips against Langa’s chest, if he wanted, but the distance between them feels overwhelming now.

“Did you mean what you said earlier?” Langa asks, to break the silence. “Are we not skating together anymore?”

“Yeah,” Reki says, and keeps his eyes downcast. “It’s for the best.” His heart beats hollow, and his breath catches. He wills away any tears.

“Reki, I’ll try to keep my distance from Adam! But I don’t think I can promise you that anymore… I just… Can you tell me what’s really wrong?” Langa’s voice sounds pretty normal, so Reki risks a glance up at him. He was wrong: Langa’s eyes are shining with hurt, and his hands are hovering between the two of them, as if about to grab for Reki’s shoulder.

Reki takes a step back, hating himself all the while. “It’s fine! I’m fine. I just think you’d be better off without me holding you back or worrying about you all the time. We don’t work together. You… you’re different.”

“Different?” Langa’s frowning slightly, in that way he often does when thinking hard. “Different how?”

“You’re light, and kind, and everyone admires you. Seeing you always makes me feel better. Langa, you’re probably my favorite person. You…” Reki hesitates, then thinks fuck it, he’s already halfway there. “You deserve better than me bringing you down and offloading all my insecurity and shit onto you, like I’m doing right now.” Reki runs a hand through his hair, wishing he had his headband to pull down over his eyes and disappear.

“Why are you trying to decide for me? I want you with me, it doesn’t matter who deserves what. So let’s keep skating together!” Langa looks hopeful and open, but for the first time since they met, Reki’s not sure he understands him. Could Langa be lying? He can’t actually want to stay with Reki, to let him slow him down and burden him.

Reki doesn’t trust himself to answer, just shakes his head slightly and turns away, ready to crawl back up through his window and into the darkness of his room.

“Come on, don’t leave this unfinished again!” Langa says, but Reki’s already walking away through the cutting rain. Then Langa grips his wrist, pulling him back, and Reki is thrown into the memory of the two of them escaping from those weirdos at the spa, when Langa saved him from falling, snaked his arm around Reki’s waist and entwined their hands. He remembers that moment crystallized, the solid beating of his heart and the sparks in his chest. He remembers looking up at Langa like… he was the only one who mattered. And all of a sudden, Reki realizes why he’s being so shitty about all this.

Still clutching his wrist, Langa hauls Reki back to face him, with a surprising amount of force, and all Reki can see is Langa’s intense blue eyes, startlingly close. Without warning, Langa bends down and hugs Reki, arms looping around his waist again. Bewildered, Reki can’t think to pull back and run away, can’t do anything but breathe Langa in and shelter in his arms, placing his hands behind Langa’s neck. Langa releases him, slowly, but Reki doesn't move his hands, wants to keep Langa in his grasp. Reki pauses, and in that moment, it seems so natural for him to pull Langa down and meet his lips. So he does. The kiss is closemouthed and clumsy, but Langa feels soft and warm, and Reki presses into him, wanting no distance between them, anymore.

Langa pulls back, gently cups Reki’s face. “I’m here,” he says. And Reki understands him. It’ll be alright. Sure, he’ll still have his bad days, still feel worthless and small, and let his fear consume him sometimes. But with Langa by his side, Reki is indestructible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this v short fic! honestly, I wrote this to mentally prepare myself for episode 9… I’m terrified lol 0_0


End file.
